In Loving Memory
by Aaronna
Summary: This is a sequel to In Memory of a Fallen Fan. Takes place in Lancelot Du Lac.
AN: This sequel was requested by one of Jessi's friends after reading the first story. I hope you guys enjoy it.

In Loving Memory

It took near a month after the twins were born before Gaius let Merlin out of bed. While the babies had been fine, Merlin had given all of us several scares. He had nearly died from delayed hemorrhaging. But that was after Merlin's male anatomy refused to let his female side naturally manifest. Gods that last bit was fun to say!

Anyway, it was natural for a woman to feed her child soon after birth, but this was problematic for the young mother. Both his burn scar and his pesky masculine muscles made the milk coming in an incredibly painful ordeal. On top of that, his nightly erection liked to inflict great stress and pull on the newly vacated womb. That is not something one gets to say often.

In the end, he was fine, if not a little weak. That was just one of the many reasons Arthur dismissed Merlin as his manservant. Now, Merlin has officially the Apprentice Physician and Arthur's unofficial royal advisor. The fact that this allowed Merlin to be near his children most of the time was just a happy side effect, or at least according Arthur. Personally, I think it was his way of apologizing.

Though neither of us would admit it, Merlin was the reason we finally set a date for our wedding. The fact that Merlin and Lancelot had hidden their love in due to the social gap between nobles and servants, and the fact that everyone knew Merlin as a man, had made us realize that we were doing the same thing. And Merlin's pain was not something either of us ever wanted to experience.

That was why Merlin, the babies, and I were seated on the dais as the knights and king began jousting. It started off just fine, fun even. But then the mystery knight showed up. I didn't really think much of it until Merlin began trembling.

The poor man was as white as a sheet and he was shaking so bad that I ended up with Lannor and Galahad, the twins, in my lap. When the knight removed his helmet, I understood why. There, on the back a horse, dressed in full jousting gear, was Lancelot.

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As I sat there, listening to what everyone was saying around me, I let my eyes wander back and forth between Merlin and Lancelot. The Man had come back from the dead and one would think that Merlin would be happy, but he clearly wasn't. The fact that Lancelot hadn't enev glanced at Merlin this entire time, I was beginning to understand my friend's reaction. Something was clearly off about this entire thing. So I sat there and listened.

"I fear I remember very little after the moment I stepped through the veil. My story will not be as illuminating as I would like."

"We're just pleased to see you. Well...pleased and amazed."

"I owe everything to the Madhavi people. When they found me, I was near death. Luckily for me, their customs dictate that they must give food and shelter to the needy. *sigh* And I was certainly that."

Merlin was warily watching Lancelot. If he was being cautious like this, then so should I. After all, Merlin knew Lancelot better than any of us.

"Where did they find you?"

"On one of the silk road passes, high in the Feorre Mountains."

"Cenred's kingdom."

"I travelled with them for many weeks, deep into the deserts of the south. Then, slowly my strength returned. When I was able, I earned my passage the only way I know how. By the sword."

I l watched as Lancelot smirked and the knights chuckled. I had never seen that look on his face before. It was just like one of Morgana's smirks. Merlin seemed to think the same because his eyes widened while his face dropped from a neutral look to a frown.

"Then I slowly made my way north."

"You made your way home."

As Lancelot nodded, Arthur took my hand on the table. Agravaine wasn't pleased and neither was Merlin. In fact, he looked completely miserable.

"We can't thank you enough for what you sacrificed on the Isle of the Blessed. It will be remembered always."

Merlin noticeable flinched at that. And I could hardly blame him. Why would he want to remember loosing Lancelot, even if it was only for awhile.

"*Sigh* It is, indeed, good to see you once again. I would like to propose a toast."

He stood and locked eyes with me as he said his toast. At his words, my heart fell. From across the room, I heard Merlin's muffled sob. His words, "To the people I hold most dear. To Camelot."

We all raise their glasses. As we shouted out, "To Camelot" I watched my poor friend flee in tears.

Arthur was completely oblivious to what had just happened and called out his own "To Camelot."

As Lancelot smiled and drank, I understood why Merlin had been so cautious earlier on. Something was off about Lancelot and I was afraid that it would be Merlin who would be hurt in the end.

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As I walked into the Physician's chambers, Gaius gave me a slight lift of his eyebrow. "Oh, no. I've seen that face before."

I looked around. "Is Merlin around?"

"I am afraid not. He was very upset, so I made him sit with the twins in that spare room down the hall. He clearly needed the comfort only those two could give him."

"That was what I wanted to talk about. *sigh* I want to believe that everything is fine. And that we really have Lancelot back, but I feel that he is not."

"It certainly looks like him." Gaius was clearly trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes, but that is all."

Gaius's amused look disappeared. "What is it?"

"I don't know. Something's wrong." I sat down next to Gaius and continued in a lower voice.

"When he was telling his story, I noticed it. The way he greeted me and completely ignored Merlin, that made me suspicious. But what happened just now, in the corridor, that's made me sure. He forgot about his relationship with Merlin. He laughed when I mentioned the babies and made a joke about Merlin getting a girl in bed. Lancelot would never do that."

Gaius's brows scrunched in thought. "Hmm, strange indeed. Give him time. He might just be trying to protect Merlin."

I nodded and left with a smile, but I was far from convinced.

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That night, I asked my brother to stay with me in our childhood home. I didn't know why, but I felt he needed to be there for some reason. He told me he would be happy to spend the entire day with me. I felt so much better after that.

The next morning while I was brushing and styling my hair, there was a knock at the door. Elyan mumbled about the knocking on the door. I told him to go back to sleep before opening it to find Lancelot leaning on the door frame with a charming smile that felt wrong to be meant for me. Not that I was surprised. There was something odd going on.

"I wasn't sure I'd find you here. I thought you might have rooms in the palace."

"I want to stay here as long as I can. It may not be much, but it's my home."

"May I come in?"

That question was disturbing. My feelings must have shown because he quickly tried to explain. "I only want to wish you well."

I gave him a fake smile and opened the door for him. I could feel Elyan's eyes on me as I did so. Something was about to happen and I was very glad that he was back there listening.

"I never thought I'd see you again."

"I know."

"When I heard what you'd done, I felt so guilty."

"No."

"You were protecting Arthur, just as I'd asked. Well, and Merlin.

Lancelot had started to nod at the Arthur part, but stopped an looked confused when I brought up Merlin.

"If it weren't for you, there'd be no wedding. There are no words to thank you enough."

"There is no need for that. I did what I felt was right in my heart. You taught me that, Gwen."

When he stepped closer, I stiffened. I couldn't help it. This was very wrong. But since Elyan was seeing and hearing this, I didn't back away.

"To be true to myself. You will make a wonderful queen. Your love for your people is surpassed only by your love for Arthur."

I nearly jumped when Lancelot pulled out a cloth wrapped item. He opened it to reveal a bracelet. What it meant made my skin crawl.

"The Madhavi people gave me this token of good fortune for my journey. I'd like you to wear it, for I see their goodness in you."

He tried to take my hand and puts the bracelet on my wrist. Instead, I reached out and took it out of his hand. It felt vile in my grasp.

"It is a rare thing. And I was lucky to have been touched by it."

I gave him a small, but fake smile. I tensed uneasily as he stepped closer and put his hands on my face. I felt relieved that he only kissed me on the forehead. I forced a smile onto my face.

"I wish you and Arthur everlasting happiness, Gwen."

As he left he looked back at me with a smile. I returned, but it fades as soon as he was out of sight and looked questionably down at the bracelet. I quickly wrapped it back in the cloth and practically threw it onto the table.

I jumped when Elyan's voice filled the room. "What the bloody hell was all of that?! What was he thinking? Did he just abandon Merlin and set his sights on you again?"

"I don't know what that was, but it proves that this isn't the real Lancelot. Maybe it is like those fake knights that Gwaine help Arthur with the first time we met him."

"What? How have I not heard that story? Gwaine never shuts up, but I have never been told that one."

"Oh, Uther banished him, so he didn't know about that bit."

"But you know?"

"Merlin was there, he told me."

"So what are we going to do?"

"You are going to take that thing to Gaius and tell him what happened. If Merlin is there, make sure he is alright. I am going to tell Arthur what happened and asked him to talk to Merlin. He ran out last night in tears."

"Will do, oh future Queen." I couldn't help but laugh at his mocking bow.

"Stop it. Oh! If you see any of the Round Table, have them keep Lancelot company and let them know what just happened."

"Oh gods… Percival is going kill Lance…"

"I am sure there will be a line for that."

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The joust that day was a tense event. After finding out what that bangle was meant to do, everyone agreed to pretend that the cursed thing was working. So I sat there and plastered a fake smile on my face when he won. Arthur tried to talking me into going to the knight's tent and helping him with his armor, but I couldn't.

The worst part was that no one had talked to Merlin. So as far as he knew, I was flirting with the man he loved and Lancelot was doing the same to me. So when I saw Merlin walk up to Gaius at the edge of the arena, I felt terrible and happy at the same time. Then when Percival came over and started talking to him, I felt relieved. Though, Merlin's tears were clearly of mixed emotions.

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When Elyan told us what he had heard Lancelot and Agravaine say, I gasped. Poor Arthur looked just like he had after Morgana had betrayed them or when Uther died. It was painful to watch the hurt in his eyes.

Thankfully, Gaius pulled all of our attention away from Agravaine's betrayal to proving this was not Lancelot. He talked about a pattern that could be drawn on the council chamber floor that would prove he was a shade, he also suggested setting up a mirror in case it was someone wearing a glamor of Lancelot.

So by the time Lancelot asked me to meet him, everything was in place. I pretended to been enamored with him and when he leaned in to kiss me, I stepped into the designed on the floor just as the traitor came in with Arthur. As the thing step towards me, it true form was revealed.

When Leon and Gwaine came out of the shadows and grabbed the shade, I turned to see a very angry Percival hold the slimy lord as my future husband punch him in the stomach. I couldn't help but smile as the man tried to crumple, but couldn't and just hung in Percy's grip wheezing. But then I saw who was standing in the doorway.

Poor Merlin had his eyes locked on the copy of his lover fighting to get free of long haired knights detaining him. It was like no one else was in the room and his lover was the only thing he saw. As Arthur drew his sword and approached the three of them, terror filled Merlin's face.

I have no idea how he moved so fast, but the next thing I knew, he was between Arthur and Lancelot. Tears were running down his pale face. I felt tears form in mine as he begged for Arthur not to kill the thing.

Arthur quickly relented and had it locked in the dungeon until a plan was made. So as the not-Lancelot was taken away, I walked over to my friend and pulled him into a hug. He cried more that night than he had since the night he woke up thinking he had lost the boys.

When the tears stopped coming, I led him back to the room were Lannor and Galahad were sleeping peacefully. I sat there and held my poor unfortunate friend until he fell asleep. After I covered him, I settled into the cot the wet nurse liked use while Merlin slept in the real bed. And that was where we were when the news came.

Life was so unfair to Merlin. During the night, the shade somehow got ahold of some poison and was dead when the guards checked in on the prisoners. On top of that, Agravaine had somehow escaped.

When Merlin asked if he could give the body a proper burial, no one had the heart to deny him this small measure of closure. So I agreed to keep the boys while he was gone. Whatever happened out in the woods that day, it seemed to help with the darkness, that had been hovering around him since the vale had been torn, evaporate.

From that evening on, the Merlin we had missed all of this time seemed to be back. He was smiling a real smile for the first time in a year and it even showed in his eyes. That made me almost as I was next day, the day I married the man I loved. And when the court called out "Long Live the Queen!", Merlin's voice was the loudest and his smile the biggest.

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AN: This was supposed to be posted on the 24th, but I have been sick and Easter was coming up, so it is late. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it.


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